My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
