Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
