remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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