I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
