i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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