piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she pinky promised me she was 18
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
