I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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