i don't plan on having that self control this summer
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
