I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
