lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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