Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
