theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
