He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
