Only a mothe r could love this liver
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
