You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
