So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
this just has baby written all over it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
