she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm too high and old for this...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
