My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
