i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
