Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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