I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
