Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
