direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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