Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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