just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
