Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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