Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
