i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
