I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
