I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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