like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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