I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
