I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
