Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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