the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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