I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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