yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
