Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
They took my balls.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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