so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
