after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
