My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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