It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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