my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
