I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sorry about my life...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
