If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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