so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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