We won't sleep together?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
