Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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