Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
