Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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