quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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